Any contact or interaction between a child and a more powerful person when the child is being used for the sexual gratification of the more powerful person. It can be physical, verbal or visual.
Examples:
Physical 
Touching private parts, fondling, making the child touch and/or manipulate the other's private body part, kissing, vaginal or anal intercourse or attempted intercourse
Verbal
Obscene language, dirty jokes, cats calls
Visual
Exhibitionism, peeping, voyeurism, showing and taking pornographic pictures, letting down the bars of privacy so that the child watches or hears sexual acts
Many other behaviors could actually be abusive, depending on the intent. However, regardless of the intent if the child does not want that touch or the touch makes the child feel uncomfortable, the child has the right to say “no”.
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Who are the victims?
Girls and boys under the age of 18 are potential victims. Boys are as victimized as girls. This is a problem that affects all races, cultures, religions, and income levels.
What makes the children vulnerable to sexual offenders?
- The age of the child
Preschool children are most vulnerable to family members because of the importance of the family to this age. Boys are as vulnerable as girls.
School age children are most vulnerable to non-family members and pedophiles because during this age their social system is expending. School age boys are more vulnerable than girls of the general belief that girls should be given more protection than boys, thus leaving boys to freely interact with adults and without much supervision, especially with males who could be abusers.
Adolescent children are most at risk from each other because of the importance of peers of this age, especially in cases of date-rape and sexual harassment.
- Access of the perpetrator to the child
Abuse implies a relationship, thus a child is vulnerable simply because they are somehow related to a potential offender.
General characteristics of children:
- A child's loving nature and need for affection
- The child's only or main source of protection and information is the family
- A child lacks the vocabulary especially of the Private Body parts
Other factors make some children more at risk than most if:
- They suffer from a disability
- They come from an unhappy family
- They have low self-esteem, few friends
- They have high needs for affection and attention
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Who are the offenders?
The sexual offender can be of any age, gender, and from any race, culture, religion, income level, or profession. Most abusers are men (80-85%), are well known to the child and frequently have a position of responsibility and trust for the care of the child. Studies indicate that only about 10% of the offenders are strangers to the abused child. 20% of the offenders are pedophiles (who tend to have a large number of victims).
Many male sexual offenders begin abusing others while still in their adolescence.
Being sexually abused as a child could be devastating, depending on coping abilities and mental health of the child.
There is a variety of effects on children that could be cognitive, emotional or physical. The level of effect depends on the situation (age, duration and type of abuse, gender, degree of violence, who the offender is). Effects could be sexual misbehavior, homophobia, and fear of sex, shame, guilt, eating problems, interpersonal relationships, decision making problems, powerlessness, anger, depression, and suicide.
Accommodation Syndrome
The most important effect of child sexual abuse, in order to understand from the perspective of the child is the Accommodation Syndrome.
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Children sometimes enjoy the sex and the relationship.
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Sometimes children do not enjoy the sex but still need the relationship.
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Many others do not enjoy the sex and do not want the relationship, but feel they cannot tell.
All of these children adjust, or accommodate, to the abuse by convincing themselves that the behavior is good, the abuser is good and something is wrong with him/her.
All of these children need to keep the secret in order to protect their offender, because if they tell, it's the child's fault when the offender goes to jail or when the family gets broken apart.
Sometimes the children are threatened with harm, but usually they are threatened with loss of love. In almost all cases, the child is the one who feels the shame, guilt and responsibility for the sexual relationship. The only way to cope with this adult responsibility is to accommodate, like a religious conversion, with the belief that what is happening must continue to happen.
The accommodation syndrome is the reason children cannot tell, or after disclosure they recant, or even hesitate on the witness stand.
From the journal of a sexually abused child
“I see myself like a worthless individual whom no one likes because of my ugly past. My life has been in chaos since the sexual abuse. All the while, I'd been thinking that no one would ever help me, thus, I refused to talk in therapy. I became physically untidy and I felt that I have nothing to be proud of about myself to other people.
I hate my stepfather so much, he is like an animal who has no mercy for me.
I see myself as the most ugly person on earth and I've been keeping these thoughts and feelings for seven years which consequently made me unable to sleep at night.”
Specific effects on sexually abused boys
Curious at early age and often find dirty talks exciting
Not the same notion of body privacy and genital secrecy as girls
Lack of sex education – curiosity and vulnerability – acquire inappropriate information from other people
May be the one penetrating under the grooming/pressure of the abuser
Male victims seldom realize that what has happened to them constituted abuse especially if they enjoyed any aspect of the sexual behaviour or did not say no or fight back
Shame “nawala angpagkalalaki”
Protection of machismo image
Difficulties in expressing and verbalising the incident
Admission of victimization likely to be associated with character weakness or homosexuality
The Touch Continuum can help to better understand how children are affected differently by sexual or other touching, and to understand that regardless of whether there is intent to abuse (refer to definition) the child could still be negatively affected. The child's feelings must always be validated and affirmed regardless of the intent of the giver.
SAFE TOUCH are those which make the receiver feel affirmed. These touches are experienced by the receiver (child) as warm, caring, nurturing, and supportive. They do not diminish the receiver and do not take from the receiver. All persons need to receive this kind of touch.
UNSAFE TOUCH are those that hurt the receiver, that make the receiver feel bad, that inflict pain or that seem to disregard the receivers (child's) feelings. It is usually very clear that the child does not want this kind of touch, which is experienced by the child as manipulative, coercive, abusive, and frightening.
CONFUSING TOUCH are those which make the receiver feel uncomfortable, uneasy, confused, or unsure. The receiver experiences confusion and conflicting feelings about the touch and/or about the person who does the touching. The intent of the adult may be unclear, the touch may be unfamiliar. There are times when this kind of attention "feels good" but is also frightening, such as a touch that is sexually stimulating or stating in front of your friends how wonderful you are, but initiated by an adult. Thus, the attention or touch that "feels good" is not always good or safe.
What determines the nature of the touch?
Whether the touch or attention is "safe" or "unsafe" or "confusing" is determined by how the receiver experiences it, NOT by the intentions of the person giving the attention of doing the touching. The adult may intend the touch/attention to convey a certain kind of message (support, affection, etc.) but the message is entirely dependent upon how the receiver perceives the touch/attention, and the adults have no control over this. The adult's intentions are irrelevant.